Live To Tell discontinued for now
by Chocolate-SugarCube
Summary: It started with simple things. He'd yell at me for the littlest things, make up stupid excuses for me to not leave the house.. Small things i should have noticed. Warnings: rape/non-con, Yaoi, abuse, slavery, gory, chara death ect For Violet223 and Clisia
1. Live To Tell

**STY: Look, another one!! This ish actually mine, unlike meh other one... ANYWAY, I dragged Yami here with me to do teh disclaimer!  
**Yami: -chained to a wall- STY does obviously not own YGO, otherwise it would not be allowed on children's T.V  
**STY: Good boy! *pets and feeds sugar lumps* Oh, and this is for Violet223, hope she likes it... Oh and this is the new version of this chapter,  
Beta'd by T-R-Us, Now on with the story...**

* * *

**Warnings: Mentions of Rape/Non-con, Abuse and Yaoi**

Live To Tell

Ryou's POV

_I have a tale to tell, sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well._

His tan arms surround me in a more possessive than caring grip.  
Although I know he doesn't love me. If he did, he wouldn't have viciously raped me moments earlier.

_I was not ready for the fall, too blind to see the writing on the wall._

It had been lovely at first, when he'd showered me with gifts and flowers. I thought we'd be able to settle down together, apparently so did he. So I moved in with him after a few months. He acted as if totally reformed,  
saying he was sorry for everything, acting like he owed us the world. He'd let me do whatever I wanted, letting me see my yami whenever I wanted.

_A man can tell a thousand lies, I've learned my lesson well. Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned, 'till then it will burn inside of me._

It started with simple things. He'd yell at me for the almost everything, and make up stupid excuses for why I shouldn't leave the house. Small things I should have noticed.

_I know where beauty lives, I've seen it once. I know the warmth she gives.  
_  
He still acted the same around the others, like nothing was happening. I'd go along with it, making up excuses for every cut or bruise.

It was harder to fool Bakura, but since I had gotten so good at pretending,  
he never guessed anyway. I would just smile and laugh normally around them,  
like everything was how it used to be.

_The light that you could never see, it shines inside, you can't take that from me._

Soon, I was hardly ever allowed to see my friends, and I was never allowed to see Bakura. The only time I was allowed out the house was to go to the shops, and even then I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone, except for the shop assistants, of course. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to call an ambulance and blamed it on being a klutz┘ I used to dream someone would come and save me, but they never would. No one else knew.

_The truth is never far behind, you kept it hidden well. If I live to tell the secret I knew, then will I ever have the chance again?_

I tried to run away when he was out, once. I passed out from fatigue and exhaustion - mostly from not sleeping for the last few nights - and was returned home. I'd tried suicide twice. Once, he'd taken me to the hospital. The other time, he walked in before I did any serious damage. He yelled at me and told me if I wanted to die then he'd have pleasure arranging it.

_If I ran away, I'd never have the strength to go very far._

I'd lain awake most nights, simply staring out the window, wondering if I'd ever escape this hell, if anyone would realize. I should have known this would happen, it's his personality.  
How long would it be before he decided to kill me?

_How would they hear the beating of my heart? Will it grow cold, the secret that I hide? Will I grow old? How will they hear? When will they learn? How will they know?_

He'd often come in drunk, resulting in two things. He'd either shout and beat me half to death, then violently rape me, humiliating me as much as possible, or he'd tell me how much he loved me, for once acting as if I were glass and would break if handled too roughly, and we'd softly make love.

_A man can tell a thousand lies.  
I've learned my lesson well, hope I live to tell the secret I have learned, '  
till then it will burn inside of me._

I don't know how I could, after everything he has done, but I still love him. I guess I'm just hopeless...

_The truth is never far behind, you kept it hidden well. If I live to tell the secret I knew then will I ever have the chance again?_

* * *

**STY: Wow, that was long... well, not really.. but to my standards it was.  
**Ryou: You like being mean to cute people, don't you?  
**STY: Yes, I'm very evil to you. -gives him cookies-  
**Ryou: Well, when STY can be bothered to do another chapter, then you'll have your lemon dosage  
**STY: Yup.. and when I find a song to fit it.... I'm thinking Evanescence.**  
Ryou: I'm thinking you're gonna make it a rape.  
**STY: You're thinking right.  
**Ryou: -sigh- Review, please people.  
**STY: Baii!!! Oh, and btw, flames will be used to burn monasteries. Bwhahahahahaha! *cough cough***


	2. Because Of You

**Yay im back!!** **And my ultra crappy computer broke with the orginal chapter 2 on it so you had to wait double as long, and theres no Evanesence, instead your stuck with Because Of You- Kelly Clarkson oh and the song in the last one- And the title for the story- is Live To Tell- Madonna if your wondering, if anyone has a song they'd really love me to do a chapter for (that you think'd fit) im sure i may be able to somewhere.. maybe.. Anyway enough of my ramblings, Read my fanfiction mind slaves!!**

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did_

I cried out when i was slammed hard aginst the wall. After all, what reasons do i have to be quiet? If anyone did care i wouldnt be here.. right? Not even Bakura needs me now.  
At least when i was his host he needed me..

_I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery_

What about Yugi? He said once that he cared.  
Or was that a lie to.. And Malik.. They dont really care...They never did.  
If only maybe someone cared..

_I will not break the way you did You fell so hard_

Your rough tounge licks up my neck,  
Teeth biting hard making me whimper helplessly. A glint of cold steel and my clothes are ripped away. You dont let up with your teeth though, biting randomly down my body. You almost soothingly lick one nipple before biting hard, making it bleed, and making me yell out.

_I've learned the hard way,  
to never let it get that far_

You move painfully slow down my body,  
dragging every moment out.  
Making it more suffering for me. Do you hate me? Or just cant you see my suffering?  
No you love to see me hurt. Your nails rake my skin,  
easily drawing blood.

_Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

You dig your nails deep into my hips,  
breaking into muscle, making me scream. you moves away for a second, to remove your own clothes.  
you only takes a moment,  
before moving back to straddle over my smaller body.

_Because of you I learned to play on the safe side_

You smirks sadicstically at me. "Count to three" You says, almost growling. My Voice shakes, stuttering slightly "O-one" I feel you line yourself up to my entrance,  
I start feeling sick at the feeling.  
"T-two" You pushed forward slightly.  
I could feel your excitement growing, and the thought almost makes me sick.

_Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone else around me_

"T-three" I said, in a whispered scream. It hurts. It. Fucking.Hurts.  
You doesnt even give me a moment to adjust,  
as you starts a frenzied pace.

_Because of you I am afraid_

That same night im left alone, crying in the dark.  
Not daring to move.  
In case.. He comes back.. In case..Tonight..He decides to kill me.  
Because..If i move..Im open to more fears...

_I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out_

At School the next day, I get there late. And therefore have no idea where im going.  
Your standing outside a classroom, probably sent out.  
"Hey bitch, in here." You call to me. I mutter "Thank You"  
as i walk past.

_I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes_

It still hurts, I can almost feel tears in my eyes.  
But i learned long ago tears dont help, they never do.

_I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh Every day of my life_

I walk into class. Great, a substitute teacher.  
Shes talking to Bakura who is holding Duke up by the neck. Yugi called me over. I smiled and waved at him,  
walking over to where him, Yami, Joey, Tristan, Kaiba and Téa were sitting.

_My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with_

It should hurt, everytime after raping me, he says 'i love you' but it doesnt.. after it all i just feel hollow.

_Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

At break, Bakura comes up to me.  
"You better tell me what the fuck happened Ryou"  
He growls. Fuck.. I forgot didnt I?  
The bruises from last night.

_Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I dont get hurt_

I take a deep breath before answering,  
thinking of what to say. If i answer wrong,  
I know you'll only beat me harder.

_Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me_

"I-I went out into the rough district,  
to see a friend last night, And i got beat up"  
He seemed convinced, but i knew he doubted my explanation slightly.

**A/N: Instead of 'You' meaning Marik, in this chapter- from here downwards- usually 'He' refers to Marik and 'You' refers to Bakura, just making that clear**

_Because of you I am afraid_

Maybe tonight he wont rape or beat me.. maybe.. I sub-consiciously cross my fingers.

_I watched you die_

I remembered when you, my yami, first opened up to me. Showed me your memories of getting sealed away.

_I heard you cry Every night in your sleep_

You'd toss and turn in your sleep, occationally yelling out or sometimes even crying.

_I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me_

I was only.. what..16 maybe..? And you thought i could handle it when you told me everything. How you were raped by palace guards..The punishments..

_You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain_

I guess really you didnt know how much it scared me,  
how much i was begining to regret out talks.  
you were being relived of thousands of years of pain.

_And now I cry In the middle of the night_

_For the same damn thing_

Now i lay awake, crying because of my own rape.  
Isnt it strange how that works out.  
I almost laugh out loud,  
then remember im standing beside you.

_Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

Damn, your talking to me. "huh?" i say stupidly. "I said, how the fuck am i supposed to do this maths homework?"School work. Something so normal,  
its almost comforting. "Why dont you ask Yami or something?"

_Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So i dont get hurt_

"Ryou, your good at maths, why dont you help me"  
Why cant i help you? Cause Marik would kill me maybe?  
But i cant tell you that. "I dont want to get told off for helping you cheat on your homework." Lame excuse? check.

_Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything_

"Alright..." This time i could tell you weren't convinced.  
But what else could i do? I couldnt tell you the truth.  
Could I? No.. that wasnt even an option.

_Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in_

I could tell someone.. what would Marik do if i did?  
No no-one else could know.. Thats the one thing im sure of.

_Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_

I hate this life, why cant i be like every other normal kid?  
Why me?

_Because of you _

_Because of you_

**A/N: Wait! I lied! this goes back to 'You' refering as Marik**

Its all your fault. I hope your happy for ruining my life.. You know it dont you? How much i hate you?  
How i'd kill you given the chance? Dont you?

**This is specially for Cliscia, who is ultra-fabulously awesome and to anyone that hasnt read any of her fics, try Scar Tissue, or Stalker. Im addicted to Stalker tbh .¬¬''' **


	3. Hello

STY: heyy again people!! since im trying to get to be a betareader im updating quickly lol -  
Ryou: you do know you have other stories you could type up?  
STY: they're het stories, they do not matter ¬¬'  
Ryou: ...okay... STY does not own ANYTHING from YGO or the song from the last chapter (Live To Tell- Madonna) or the song from this chapter (Hello- Evanesense)  
STY: sept a few hundred cards  
Ryou: no.. they belong to your brother officially  
STY: what about the printed off song lyrics?  
Ryou: nope, they belong to the song artist and the website you printed them off  
STY: ahh okay...damnit why did i put you in this Story..?  
Ryou: Well... You like torturing me, You steal my name, Your trying to steal my hairstyle, You've stolen my clothes.. Must i go on?  
STY:Okay,Okay i get the point, your awesome, im obsessed...uhhh ... anyway... ON WITH THE STORY!

**Warnings: mentions of rape/Non-con/Yaoi lemon/Humil, Abuse, Language.. thats all...i think..**

**Hello**

**Ryou's POV**

_Playground school bell rings again_

I'd already dragged myself out of bed and half way to school, Yugi and his group had already met up with me at the end of the road. T? was screaming about Joey putting a spider down her back, Joey and Tristan were yelling someting obnoxious. Bakura was laughing his ass off at the chaos, Malik was attempting to get a piggy-back ride from Bakura. I watched them, loving and hating that they were all so carefree.. sometimes I wish I could be as well.

_Rain clouds come to play again_

His arms wrapped around me from behind,  
and he bit my shoulder hard. Even through my school shirt, I had to hold back from crying out.  
I knew from the start of his domination that he'd never let me go to school unsupervised. I didn't know why I was bothering to even carry on going to school.  
I could easily drop out. No.. that would be letting him win.. I couldnt do that.. Everything had to seem normal.. No one had realised -I don't think- but inside my soul.  
I was already prepare to let go...

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

**--Time skip-- Lunch Break**

I sat in the boys changing rooms. Alone with him. Bad Idea.. I knew I should have gone with Malik.  
Now i was sitting here with Marik, his hands exploring my body. His nails scraped my skin, tearing it. I began my coping sequence, something that had almost become a ritual to me over the last few times hes raped me. Shut down.. This isnt happening.  
This is all my twisted imagination..

_I'm your mind Giving you someone to talk to...  
Hello_

Thats all it is.. Remember that time i almost bled to death?  
That was real, this is my punishment in hell for suicide.  
I'll have to suffer under illusions of him. Of course, that has to be it. How else could i get myself in this situation?  
In school no less. Its not real... Nothings real, if it was,  
why would everyone reject me. Malik.. Malik loved me.. Yugi is..was.. a good friend to me..

_If I smile and don't Believe  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream_

I think about laughing, just showing that sadistic bastard that no matter how many illusions im under, i can resist. But then.. if i did maybe that would shatter it.. Make it real. Yes.. I wont smile. But I know its not real, it cant be! Of course its not... Obviously.. Malik would be here.  
He promised he loved me, and only me. He would never go with my Yami.. And Bakura.. He would never betray me like that in real. Never!

_Don't try to fix me  
I'm not broken  
Hello_

I remember after he betrayed me..  
He tried to make everything better. Yes, its his fault i'm with Marik.  
He got us together. Therefore he should be here!  
In this hellish world of torture and humiliation.  
I dont even need to come out of my state to know hes thrusting hard into my body,  
to know im bleeding. I hear the click of a camera.  
Great.. Again. He's taken these pictures before. Sells them to some guy somewhere.

_I'm the lie Living for you so you can hide  
Don't cry_

Maybe i could stay in this state, forever. No, that wouldnt work.  
Then i might go insane.. If it hasnt already happened..  
Maybe it has... Well.. I guess im already living a lie.. Of course its all fake. As if i hadnt noticed.  
Im not just another high school kid. Worried about homework,  
whos doing what at where,who was at which party,  
and whos friends with who. No.. I have to worry  
about who sees my scars, cuts and bruises.  
I have to worry about if anyone guesses my secret.  
How did this ever happen to me.

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

Although however much i pretend, when he reaches his end and coats my inner walls with his sickly fluid, I know its real.  
No amount of pretending will make this go away. No matter how many times i pray to whichever deity, its never going to help. My 'friends' have abandoned me. My yami doesnt care.  
All i have left is him.. No i dont.. All i have left is myself. Again, i almost laugh. I really cant be sane.. No i am.. Just not right now..Sure.. Thats the answer.

_Hello  
I'm still here  
All thats left of yesterday_

Good. I know im still sane overall. Of course i am. Im the innocent, cute, shy hikari, right? The one everyone thinks is just shy. Never called insane, or pained.  
No one knows im not how i used to be. Of course, the only that is the same as how i used to be.. I guess.. Is how i look. And my common sense. Of course im not insane though..

STY:Jeez what kind of School do they even go to.. Should that have been walked in on?  
Ryou: Well they were going to have been, but then you decided to make me insane instead.  
STY: Oh yeah ¬¬'' Sorryy, Dont worry soon the men in white coats are coming! Sooon!!  
Ryou: Not again!!  
STY: Yup  
Ryou: Great.. Review please? And tell STY to not make me more insane pleaaase?  
STY: They wont listen you, they read this to see you be tortured and insane!


	4. Getting Away With Murder

Malik: -Sits on my head- That was quick updating!  
STY: Definatly was..  
Malik: Now.. Why did you update this quick? Cause its scaring me..  
STY: For Cliscia, cause shes lovely! Oh and cause i was majorly annoying her on msn.  
Malik: Lets annoy people more often so Ryou goes insane more --  
STY: Definatly, now READ ON!!

**Getting Away With Murder**

**Ryou's Pov**

_Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness I need to calculate what creates my own madness_

I feel totally emotionless as you order me around.  
Even now, as i fetch you drinks and make you food, im thinking about so much. My decreasing sanity, for one.  
Your desend into the ultimate darkness that is death, is another. Today. This isnt going on any longer. Today is your doomsday.

_And I'm addicted to your punishments And your the master And I am waiting for disaster_

I've almost got used to you ordering me around. You raping me. Strange. I'll would say i'll miss it when your gone,  
but i wont. Never. After this, i'll probably be declared insane. But im not.. Im not the insane one. Thats you. You were always insane. But you've crossed the line now.  
Repeatedly raping me like this. Humiliating me. I wonder why i never thought of this before.

_I feel irrational So confrontational_

Tonight, when its dark. When the pills i put in his drink start working, when he cant fight back. I already know what im going to do. I know that im going to get him back for everything he did to me. I wont even give him peace when hes dying. He never gave me peace, ever. He stopped me from dying, not knowing he'd be enforcing his own death by doing so. Back then,i didnt know either.

_To tell the truth I am, Getting away with murder_

Maybe if he knew my mental state, if he knew what i was planning. Maybe then he would treat me better, maybe he would stop me. Who knows what he'd do.. I wonder.  
When hes on his knees, when im dominating, will he beg?  
When hes so weak he will struggle to make a fist.  
He always said he was going to Kill me.

_(A/N: Thanks KellyKatastrophe for teh insperation)_

_It is impossible To never tell the truth_

To be honest, i've never really lied.. Okay a few times.  
Only when i had to.. Mainly to protect myself. Most the time i told the truth.. i never lied as a child. I hardly ever lied in my early teenage years.  
I lied a bit more in my later teenage years. Now i have to lie.. This willstop though. When hes gone. When i dont have a reason to lie. After tonight it will end.

_I'll drink my drink and I don't even want to I think my thoughts when I dont even want to_

As i sit at the table, drinking my own flat cola,  
Watching you. I see the drugs start to take effect.  
You struggle not to spill your drink. "Shall i go fetch the dessert?" I say sweetly. You nod, not knowing I wont be returning with anything as sweet as my innocent voice then.

_I never look back because I don't even want to And I don't need to Because I'm getting away with murder_

I cant belive this is working. In the kitchen,  
I slip the knife onto the covered plate and walk back in. You are leaning back against your chair, your breathing slowed. I take the knife out of the cover. "Suprise" i say sadistically, smirking at your expression.

_I feel irrational So confrontational_

Your eyes widen, and you let out a low growl. "Ryou.. You little bitch.. How dare you.." Your speech is faulting due to your breath slowing. I go over to you and change my expression to one of innocent curiosity. "How dare i? Well...I guess after everything you've done,  
its only fair that its my turn" I say sweetly, fluttering my eyes

_To tell the truth I am, Getting away with murder_

I reach out a hand and slap you hard, the force of it knocks you off your chair, but since you can hardly resist, it doesnt use all that much force. As you struggle to stand, I walk slowly up to you. "Marik, how does it feel to know your going to die before tonight is over?"

_It is impossible To never tell the truth_

your eyes are glazed and you utter no sound, but your eyes never leave mine, even as they dart up & down your body. Your wearing just old jeans. Most unfitting for this.. But it cant be helped. As you finally stand and come up behind you. I kneel behind you and press the knife blade to the back of your leg. I press it down, i feel it cutting though flesh already.

_But the reality is, I'm getting away with murder_

I watch your face contort as i press the knife deeper,  
reaching muscle and tendons. Your crying out, sweat pouring down your forehead. Blood is soaking my hand as i pull the knife out and start on the other leg. Pushing the knife into it, tearing the structure again. You kneel down due the the pain and i stand. Laughing out loud that the positions are now reversed.

_And somewhere beyond happiness and sadness I need to calculate What creates my own madness_

I fist a hand into your hair, pulling your head back. I place the knife edge at your throat and smirk. For some insane reason, right now i remember school lessons.  
I was always interested in anatomy. Oh well. That doesnt really matter now, all i know is that i dont want to cut to deep. I want you to be concious while i forfill my next plans. I dig the knife in ever so slightly and watch your expressions. Now your not only begging with your eyes. You begging with your mouth as well. "Ryou... Please.." I block out most your pleas, well.. not block out. I just dont listen to them.

_And I'm addicted to your punishments And your the master And I am craving this disaster_

"So.. Master" The word leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, yet i have to say it. Just to show you how much i resent you, for everything you've done to me. You wimper again. Such a pathetic noise i didnt think you possible of making. "It comes down to this doesnt it? You wanted to kill me in the end, didnt you Marik?" I say, smirking. You continue begging, as if it would help. "Please.. Ryou.. I swear i'll treat you better.. Infact you dont even have to stay with me please just let me live.." Im amazed i've got these results from you. "What? and let you screw up someone elses life? Marik, theres no way your getting out alive tonight" i press the knife in futher and watch as blood pools over it. I pull it out, not wanting to cut to hard, wanting at least part of my second plan to go ahead before you reach the comfort of death.

_I feel irrational So confrontational_

Somehow we have changed position, you are now laying on your back, and i am now sitting between your legs. Just a better position for what im planning. I cut your jeans off you. Your not wearing anything under them, probably planning to do exactly what im doing to you now after we had eaten. Oh well, the games on my rules now. You know.. I never took myself as the sadistic type. But seeing you beg and plead me to let you live has made me very aroused. I begin taking my own clothes off, starting with my shirt. Strangely its the blue and white striped on, it seems os normal. Not something i'd ever think of doing this sort of thing wearing.  
Then my own jeans.

_To tell the truth I am, Getting away with murder_

I wipe a hand through the drying blood around your legs and use it as lube, coating my erection with it. _(A/N: Right this is my first officially graphic yaoi sex scene so it shall be totally terrible okay? The only thing thats making me write this is that i promised it to Cliscia)  
_I look over you again. Your paling fast. What has it been since i cut your throat? 5 minutes? 10? I better get on with this if i want you to be alive for it. I force you to look me in the eye, before lifting your hips and thrusting hard into your unresisting body. Whether your not resisting cause you know i've won, or maybe because you dont have the strength to, or maybe secretly your enjoying this? maybe this is how you wanted to die?

_It is impossible To never tell the truth_

Your so tight.. And it feels so good.. No better then good.  
Undescribable.. Why didnt i do this before? I pull out and plunge back into your heat. Your now bleeding from 4 different places. I keep thrusting in and out of you, loving the sounds your making. They started out loud, but are quieting due to your decreasing life. God.. how is it possible to feel this good.. Im moaning loud enough to drown out your strangled crys. I watch as slowly as the blood stops flowing, declaring that i am no longer raping you,  
but thrusting myself into a bloody carnage. And fuck.. That just brings me closer to cumming.

_But the reality is, I'm getting away with murder_

Your body is cold to the touch, but your blood still runs from your entrance. My dear Marik, i should have done this sooner. A lot sooner. I thrust faster into your body, feeling my end coming soon. I cry out, biting your dead skin, making more blood flow. I soak your passage with hot cum, letting it flow out onto the floor as i pull out and place a bloody, twisted kiss on your blood soaked lips. I dont care if i burn in hell for this. It was so worth it.

_I feel irrational So confrontational_

I get a cloth and soak it in your blood, then wipe it over myself. I lay down beside your body, thinking. How do i feel.  
Well.. I feel..Happy..And free... I should call the police soon.. Or an asylum.. Oh well... I guess i'll just say here til i actually get round to that. How did this get so far..? Shouldnt i have been stopped? Shouldnt someone have burst through the door at the last minute? stopping me from killing you?

_To tell the truth I am, Getting away with murder_

I eventually get to the phone and dial 999. I wait for someone to pick up. "Hello, this is Domino police station. how can i assist you?" The lady says in an overly polite voice.  
"I have just killed the man who was keeping me as a rape slave"  
my voice comes out suprisingly calm. "Where are you situated?  
We will send round an officer." I didnt expect a huge reaction.  
They are of course used to this. "13 Rosebrush Appartments,  
Clocktower Street." I say the adress on auto, not really even thinking about what im saying. "And what is your name Sir"  
"Ryou Ba-" I stop, remembering i changed my last name to his. "Ryou Ishtar"

_It is impossible To never tell the truth_

I spent only a few days actually in prison, another few in court, then i was taken off to the asylum. Prison wasnt as bad as i would have thought. No one attempted to rape me. I wasnt assulted or attacked, and i was pretty much left alone. I just sat on the bed.. And sat.. And sat.. For nearly all the time i was there. Court wasnt to bad.. All i had to do was declare myself mentally insane, tell them what he did to me,  
and tell them how i killed him. Well.. More or less that anyway.  
Now im in 'Sunny springs Asylum For The Mentally Disturbed And String Loving' Okay.. Maybe i made the bit up about string loving, but from looking around it does seem that way.  
Theres only one person here who i even think i could ever like..

_But the reality is, I'm getting away with murder_

Malik: Now, young children, wasnt that a riveting tale of love, romance and happily ever afters? It wasnt? Oh.. Oh well lul!!  
STY: Your insane, you know that?  
Malik: Only half as insane as you though  
STY: Right.. But i never forced young children to read this.  
Malik: I didnt force them, i misled them, saying i was going to read them Snow White  
STY: Riiiiiiiight  
Malik: Review so Ryou can get better from being insane?  
STY: they'll never do that!  
Malik: oh yes.. Review so w can get to another murder part!!  
STY: That more like it


	5. Colors

**STY: Sorry i havent updated since forever..First i got writers block, then my parents decided to redecorate the room my p.c is, so i couldnt use it for ages, AND i've been ill, depressed and i think im developing anorexia..I also started school again, but i'll continue writing! I finally just finished this **

**Anyway **

**WARNINGS: language, implied love between guys, yaoi, rape uhhhhm i think thats it **

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**Colors**

**(Im gonna quit saying this after this chapter) Ryou's POV**

_Can you feel it crush you does it seem to bring the worst in you out_

These walls are way to plain.. After 3 days here im feel worse then ever. This cannot be healthy, in no way is this healthy.  
Im being fed pills, having no excercise and talking to mental people. Yes i can easily see how that would be considered good for my health.. Sarcasm much? Yes. I feel sick. Oh god. These nurses are hellbent on make me wear a pink nightie. Someone help me..

_There's no running away from these things that hold you down_

Help. Oh god help. Help. Help. I hate it here. I so dont belong here. Heres the basic day plan: 9am wake up, 9:30am eat breakfast, 10am have pills shoved down my throat, 10:30am go hang out in the lounge with a load of other mentally deranged people, 12pm -If all goes well and no one goes insaner- eat lunch, 1pm Group therapy sessions,2pm personal therapy sessions,  
3pm free time in my room -with supervision- 5pm eat dinner and get briefed on evening activities. 6pm do whatever evening activities have been set out, 8pm have more pills shoved down my throat, 8:30pm do random things in the lounge, 9:30pm: get randomly searched -which feels more like being molested- for anything we shouldnt take into our rooms 10pm get locked in my room in the dark.

_Do they complicate you because they make you feel like this_

Theres only one person in this whole place i can stand. His name is Pegasus, according to what i've learned from other half sane people, he used to own a cartoon animation studio, until he went insane and started thinking the cartoons were real. Really its not as bad as half the stuff people are here for. Its about.  
11:13 now. Im sitting with him on one of the cheap poka-dotted sofas (A/N: Think tiny, plastic coated sofa, yes that bad). Hes stretched out over the sofa and im on the opposite side of the tiny sofa, his long legs go over my knees and almost off the sofa. Hes complaining about this place, and i have to say, i totally agree with everything hes saying.

_Of all the colors that you've shine this is surely not your best_

I do totally know i should act better, but oh well.. Its strange.. Could i be thinking of him as a friend? Maybe.. I personally didnt think i'd like anyone here. I totally detest all of the nurses, and the way they look at me. Knowing i wasted my entire life. I just wanna scream at them "Blame my fucking yami! Its his fault i got with a psycho slave driving sadisting fucker. Its his fault my life is screwed! Dont fucking blame me, you lifeless bitches" But i dont. Everytime they give me those looks i just bite my tounge and think of what i'll do next time they do it. And then never do that either.

_But you should know these colors that you're shining are_

One of the nurses comes in now and gives us all those looks, watching us as if we all have knifes that we'll use any minute now. "Is everyone having fun?" she says, her tone is so patronising that i really do want to kill her. Pegasus exchanges glances with me and we both end up laughing, which usually would cause akward glances. But seeing as where we are, it doesnt.  
Everyone settles back to whatever they were doing, and Pegasus starts talking about another random thing. Something about umbrellas and clouds and weather and shit like that.

_Surely not the best colors that you shine  
Surely not the best colors that you shine_

They dont understand that our of here i could be doing so many useful things. Most people here could be doing good things for the outside world, if given the chance. Well.. Okay maybe a few of them should be in here. Maybe a few of them are a little too over the edge to work well in the real world.. Oh well.. You never can tell.. Maybe if the whole world was insane it would work loads better..

_I know you feel alone, yeah, and no one else can figure you out  
But don't you ever turn away from the ones that help you down?_

Why cant they just understand me? The only person that seems to understand me is Pegasus.. Why cant more people here be half-sane? Its almost 6 now, almost time for evening activities.. Or more appropriatly, torture. I almost wish i was back with the traitors i called friends.  
Malik, who played with my heart and then ran off when an upgrade was avilable.  
Bakura, who wanted me to date Marik, and went off with Malik,  
even though he knew i liked Malik. Yugi, who promised he was my friend, even though he never helped me, even when i desperatly needed it.  
And Yami. Yami.. I knew he never really forgave me, kept giving me those looks.. Like he wanted me to go crawl into a corner And die.

_Well they'd love to save you.  
Don't you know they love to see you smile?  
But these colors that you've shined are surely not your style_

Flashback "Are you okay Ryou?" Yugi was asking me. I'd collapsed in school for what felt painful enough to be the 20th time. Last night,  
Marik had shown his true colors. And it hurt.. "I'm okay..Thank you Yugi.." He helped me up and i grimaced from the pain in my lower back. "Its no problem, should i get someone? Marik"  
Tears come to my eyes as he mentions his name. "Bakura please"  
I ask softly. Yugi nodded and rushed of to find my Yami.

_Surely not the best colors that you shine  
Surely not the best colors that you shine_

Flashback (The night before the last flashback)  
I'd been out with Bakura, just talking about stuff, how things were going between him and Malik, and me and Marik. Everything was fine at the moment, Marik was always calm and kind to me.. Okay he'd lost his temper once or twice.. He'd hit me last week.. but only cause i'd deserved it.. But tonight i couldnt remember him looking this mad before. "Where the fuck have you been? I told you to stay in tonight!" He didnt wait for me to answer, one of his hands was tight around my neck. Choking me. I tried to ask him to let go, but i couldnt even get the words out.

_I know you're feeling like you're lost  
But you should know these colors that you're shinin are_

(Later that night)  
(A/N: now, like some people do, i could skip past the rape and just have Ryou crying himself to sleep, but i love having Ryou raped so, ON WITH TEH LEMON! Ryou: You hate me dont you? A/N: no, i just obsess over you way to much Ryou: figures..) "See Ryou, THIS is why you dont disobay me" He said, thrusting hard into me without lubrication. A scream burst from my throat,  
followed by so many other i lost count. He repeatedly slammed into my body, moaning, grunting and whispering things that made me feel sick.

_I know you're feeling like you're lost,  
You feel you've drifted way too far  
Did you know these colors that you're shinin' are_

I swear this place is just as bad as being in a playboy mansion. Im trying to take a shower, but its difficult since im being watched by at least one nurse. About 10 minutes later im out, dry and reclothed. I lay down on my bed and pull the thin duvet over myself, shivering against the cold of the night. I shouldnt even be here! Thats the pure stupidity of the situation. I shouldnt fucking be here!

_Surely not the best colors that you shine  
Surely not the best colors that you shine_

Morning.. Again.. Every day is the same here! I've already had breakfast. Pegasus came in half way through breakfast, his hair still wet. He sat down beside me with a tray of whats supposed to be food. It doesnt look much like it though.. Im not even insane.  
Am i..? Have i said that i totally hate it here? At first i thought Pegasus was just like everyone else, just being nice to get something off me, but it turns out hes also here cause of a misunderstanding.. I think..

_Surely not the best.  
Colors that you shine.._

Well.. What am i supposed to be doing today..? Oh yes, having random pills fed to me. A nurse comes over and drags me away to a room, i wave quickly to Pegasus who is drawing on the tablecloth and doesnt seem to notice me. The nurse asks me questions, i give her first answers the come to mind, and she writes on a clipboard.  
After about 10 minutes she lets me out and tells me that everyone is outside because of the current heatwave. I smile and nod to her, letting her lead me out of the room.

_Surely not the best.  
Did you know these colors that you're shinin' are.._

When I got outside, i was literally pushed over by Pegasus hugging me. I really didnt expect it, you know? I mean hes one of those random people, and we had hugged before, but it was different, like he actually missed me. No one really did miss me before.  
Marik just didnt like having someone to fuck about with, Bakura owed me enough to pretend to me worried, Yugi just pretends to worry about everyone, Malik never really cared.. Yami hated me.  
No one care before.. But now someone does, and it feels really good to know im not alone as much now..

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**STY: Right, done. Im off to see a friend now, review and all, sadly no one wanted to help me with the before and after authors notes, so only me here today! Next time i'll drag someone from FB with me okay? Cause its my new obsession! Im not gonna update til i get 20+ reviews kay? **


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